“What Do You Want Me To Say?” A New Chapter In An Old Relationship

by Lynn Smith-Lovin | Last Updated: April 14, 2022

Let’s face it, no matter how much you try to deny it, you’re in a new chapter in your relationship with your SO. It’s a new phase of your life together and it’s going to take some getting used to. New routines, new habits, new challenges, and of course, new conversations about old problems.

That being said, this doesn’t mean that your old relationship is over. Everyone goes through new phases in their romantic relationships, and in some ways, this is just another phase. You’re still going to have some of the same old problems, but if you’re willing to be open-minded, you can work through them together. To do this, you’re going to have to help your SO see that it’s not their fault, and that you’re not being unreasonable. After all, you want your SO to want to change, too. Here are some tips on how to do that.

Don’t panic, You might be starting a new chapter in your relationship

Make it clear what you want

Being clear on what you want in your relationship will help you set your expectations and give your SO a better idea of where they stand. This will also help you stay on track and be less frustrated if they’re not doing something you want them to do. Keep in mind that you don’t have to ask for everything that you want right away. Instead, take baby steps. For instance, if you want your SO to ask permission before they get something they want, ask them to ask you first a few times before you’re ready to give them the green light.

Be specific about what you want and avoid vague requests. This will help your SO understand what you want, and what you don’t want.

Help them see the problem from your perspective

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in our own feelings that we don’t see things from our SO’s perspective. It’s important to try to understand where they’re coming from, and why they do what they do. This doesn’t mean that you have to coddle them and let them get away with bad behavior, but it will help them see how their actions make you feel.

For instance, if your SO is constantly ignoring you and never wants to communicate with you, they might not get why they feel so horrible when they do it. Try to explain to them that ignoring someone who wants to talk to them doesn’t make you feel good, it makes you feel hurt and ignored.

Be honest with your feelings

You have to be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. If you’re constantly angry, frustrated, and resentful about your situation, your SO might not get why they’re making you feel this way. It will put them in a difficult position if they try to change their behavior, because they may not want to change at all.

If you’re not honest with yourself, you’re going to have a hard time figuring out how to work through your issues. You may also want your SO to change, and they may not want to change at all.

Our emotions play an important role in every relationship

Start by writing down how you feel when your SO does something that bothers you. Be as honest as possible, and don’t try to put a positive spin on things. This will help you get a clearer picture of how you’re feeling, and you can begin to see where your SO is coming from.

Don’t expect them to change right away

While you want your SO to want to change, you don’t have to hold their feet to the fire and expect them to change immediately. It may take some time for your SO to get used to your new expectations, and adjust their behavior accordingly.

You can help them get used to the new situation by being patient with them. Don’t expect them to change overnight, and avoid pushing them to change too quickly. If they want to change, they’ll do it on their own—you don’t have to force them to do anything.

Try to find common ground

Since you both have to live together, it’s likely that some of the same problems will come up again and again. It’s important to try to find some common ground instead of arguing about the same things. Even if you’re not able to find a solution to the problem, you can learn something new from the discussion.

It’s also important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help with a problem. It doesn’t make you weak if you ask for help from a friend, family member, or your SO. It makes you stronger as a person if you ask for help with something that you know you can’t do on your own.

Stay positive and supportive

It may feel like you’re going backwards, but it’s important to stay positive and supportive. Your SO may feel horrible if they’re not making you feel good, and on the other hand, you don’t want to be pushy and annoying if they’re ignoring you.

You know your partner better that anyone. Support should come easy

You want to make it clear that you care and that you want to be close to them, but you don’t want to come off as clingy or annoying. That being said, try not to ignore your own needs, too.

Final words

Your old relationship is not over, and your new relationship is not perfect. Even though it’s different, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that it’s not worth it. Your new relationship is a chance to grow together and learn new things. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and this is another chapter in the story of your relationship. Try not to beat yourself up if you’re having a hard time adjusting, and remember that it’s normal to feel confused, afraid, or stressed out during a new chapter in your relationship.